I've moved! my new abode : laughlikeneverbefore.tumblr.com :)

Pleasant sixteenth birthday :)

Thank You My DEAREST FRIENDS :) I had a very splendid birthday!

Can i post again later? this lazy bug is like stopping me from updating. UGH.

All the right moves.

So Yeah, How about a longer post?
The Hiatus was definitely not due to spending time on things that ought to be done during the O level period.I have no idea what was going on as well. denial denial... sigh. I have no idea how I would like to start my post or what I would like to share about.

Alright then.

The O levels was definitely not as easy as everyone put it. [it's quite challenging.]
I have 3 more papers left.

Ok. that's it about the O.
I crave for crab, I crave for home cooked meals, I crave for a meal where there will be people sitting around me to enjoy the meal together.It is indeed kinda sad and pathetic to be eating alone all the time isn't it? Oh, not to forget the part where you're INDULGING yourself in the amazing instant noodle that satisfies any empty stomach.YES, Dinner= Instant. D:

Life is just unfair. There are some who are born with a silver spoon in their mouths and are constantly exposed to fine dining. Have family memebers to bring them out for fine dining.Not to mention the companions they have for dinner.When was the last time I actually sat down for a meal with my own family. It seems that that was eons ago. But, OH WELL. What's the point of dissing my own sad life? Forget it.

Let's move on to something appealing to our hearts and soul other than these bullcrappy stuff. PFFT.

How about, MICHAEL BUBLE?
This is such a happy song. SIGH~



Tell me you love it.
Cause I love it.
& yes, I JUST HAVEN'T MET YOU YET.

EPIC CONVERSATION.

Look at the two retards.

Here's PART of the most epic conversation ever.

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
he's already infatuated with the girl named dorcas

[BENEDICT] says:
HAHAH!
that super smart girl he will never get?

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
YES!
MUST BE!
His hormones are raging.

[BENEDICT] says:
hahah how does he know her anyway

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
ask him...
i have no idea...

[BENEDICT] says:
AARON!!!
AARRROOOONN!!!!
HELLO AARROOONNN!

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
BLACKKKKY!

[BENEDICT] says:
YOU THERE!
KNOCK KNOCK@

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
HAHA!

[BENEDICT] says:
i called
he isn't there

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
HAHAHA!

آرون says:
use the door bell idiot

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
HAHAHAHA!

[BENEDICT] says:
DING DONG!

آرون says:
sorry.

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
epic!

[BENEDICT] says:
DDIIIIINNNGGG DDOOONNGGG!

آرون says:
thats my neighbours door bell

[BENEDICT] says:
i said DING DONG!

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
I'm going to save this message.

[BENEDICT] says:
oh fine
BRING!

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
HAHAHA!

[BENEDICT] says:
BBRRRIIIINNNGGG!!!!
ANYONE THERE?
HHHEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOO!

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
NAH.

[BENEDICT] says:
wait, cheryl

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
let's tear the door down

[BENEDICT] says:
check your shadow
Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
my shadow?

[BENEDICT] says:
he might be hiding in there

آرون says:
i'll use glue to stick it back

[BENEDICT] says:
blend in

Cheryl : "okay.. I'm getting paranoid..." says:
HAHAHAHA!


Today, I hanged out with the 2C people! :D

hell part of heaven.

studying sooooooo hard :)

















My vengeful attitude and views has caused me to not be able to forgive and forget.
My Vicious plans of exterminating all I hate and thinking about such things also makes me happy.
These has also caused Gauri to ask me to read the Bible. She said I will learn a thing or two from it.[apparently, gauri reads the bible]

Well, reading JunLin's blog is as good as reading the bible :)

I'm just trying to justify what's right and what's wrong. The wrong should apologise and by apologising, the other party will be able to forgive as well as forget. Isn't it? How can one make a mistake and not be punished? Apart from the fact that it was a mistake after another. I've been trying to justify for myself and all my life, nothing gets justified. EVER.

Well, I found out another cool fact today. My Dad actually learned to play the guitar after going to the catholic church with his friends. MY DAD GOES TO A CHURCH? That was what I asked myself. But, that was eons ago. Haha, I'm going to learn to play the guitar too... My dad promised to teach me. But, my fingers are just not cooperative enough :/

Back to studying I go. TATA for now.

songs that spark memories

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
It seems the natural thing to do
Tonight no one's gonna find us
We'll leave the world behind us
When I make love to you
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And hope that deep inside you feel it too
Tonight our spirits will be climbing
To the sky lit up with diamonds
When I make love to you tonight

Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you tonight

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And soon this old world will seem brand new
Tonight we will both discover
How friends turn into lovers
When I make love to you

Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you

Tonight I celebrate my love for you.

oh well, it's random. But, we all sing to old songs during physics, I don't know why.

graduation marks like a fullstop.

byebye school.


Indeed, not a single tear was shed during graduation. Instead of being a rather
solemn affair, it was in fact more joyful than sad. There were crazy laughter , crazy pranks, hugs,no kisses and lots of fun.

graduation is like a full stop to our sentences, it marks the end.
Don't be disheartened or reluctant to leave. We'll all meet again, it's fate and destiny to even be brought together as friends, classmates, schoolmates or even enemies. We'll not let our fate end like that. I'll miss my dearest friends very much.

I would like to thank all the teachers and friends who had spent their precious hours making and preparing gifts for me. Especially Aqilah, I almost cried reading your letter. Thank you very very very much.

I was quite disappointed that I did not get to spend time with my classmates after the event as I had to rush off during reception for my math tuition. D;
Oh well, it's ok, no point crying over spilled milk.

O levels are coming in less than a week. Work hard!

running around without you

Yes,I have indeed been running around.
Everyday, East to West ; Ubi to Bukit Timah. I'm tired D;
Today, I had 5 hours of math! How cool right? I'm having A math tomorrow. Looking forward to another day of five hours of math.

I am really disheartened to see how some people carry such evil and mean thoughts. Why can't they be nice? She is such a religious person and yet, she speaks with a mouth full of dirt. Profanities, mean words that could hurt so many others. I have been hurled such profanities since young and it only shows how uncivilised she is, no matter how she might be very religious and holds such strong beliefs for her religion which I would say, is messed up. Like, seriously. Not only that, her thoughts and the way she speak of others is just nasty. Why can't they just be nice? Is it difficult to share? Is it difficult to not make false accusations of others? Darren is only 7 and Jo is a nice lady. When have they offended her? Our maid has been working for almost 10 years and she still harbour suspicions of her. WHY? WHY? WHY?

That's the limit.

I am really really apologetic for all these temperamental nonsense coming from me.
Perhaps, we are graduating and I want to lessen the bond between all of us so that it will all be easier when that day comes.
That's a selfish thought.
I really do not enjoy all the games that you people play. It is NOT MY GAME.Therefore, I refuse to join in any activities that will be planned in the near future or whatsoever, but, please do enjoy yourselves.
I'll be in China from 6-27 Dec. but, I should be able to come online as I will bring my camera and my laptop there. :D

Back to Chemistreeeeeeeeeeeee.

bad days.

you people never understand how it feels to have a negative self confidence level.

so shut up ok.

I am accepting my new hair. IT'LL GROW... well, I'm trying [trying real hard] to stay positive.

It'll take some time before I will be able to regain my old self back.

Byebye.



To my beloved LR.
Here's a Thank You note for you!
after all these years as friend. I am going to proudly call you my BPF EVER! I really want to thank you very much for all that you have taught me and guided me along in.In almost many aspects of my small and insignificant life, you have made a mark for yourself there. Whenever I seem to be unable to do my work [especially the english ones and the prefectorial duties we shared eg. speeches and scripts and more speeches and scripts.] you will be there to help me in all those that I cannot do well. You have also been a great person I could confide in, whenever I am feeling low, you'll never fail to cheer me up in an instance [that's how effective you are man!] and then, I could tell you almost everything under the sun, stars and moon! This little thank you note can go on forever but I'll keep it short :)
Take care and Thank you a million!
Good luck for your O levels and I wish you well in everything you do.

P.S. and the Porsche part too. :)

P.S.S. BPF= Best Pig Friend

Loves,
Pig wong

all alone?

Hello.
Well, maybe to only Gauri, since she seems to be my only loyal reader as usual.
Like Glenn said '' Sometimes, life just sucks eh?''
It's SO TRUE.So,do not worry. It sucks, SOMETIMES.[how positive]
Well, it's almost 30 days to O level.[ BREATHING DIFFICULTY, AFTER A LONG RECOVERY TIME...]YEAP, 30 DAYS TO MY NIGHTMARE! Just can't believe it. I studied with my cousin at his house over the weekend at Choa Chu Kang and I would say, that type of studying environment makes you want to study even more.it's just super duper tense.

Anyways,I was just thinking again. My dad said I have the lousiest attitude at home.He says my 'HATE EVERYTHING' attitude will result in me suffering in life, in the future and I'll not be any successful if I carry 'this' attitude with me.He says I behave exactly like this WOMAN whom I hate, KIM LIAN.She's OLD and she is MEAN on top of that, she has a very traditional chinese mindset of how boys are treasures.I mean, seriously, what can boys do? I can do what most boys can do. Boys are only a bunch of egoistic animal that are extremely annoying.[right? unless you can change my mind] As I was saying, my dad said my terrible attitude of rebutting to everything they say is the worst and trying to stand up for myself is wrong as well.When I said I hate this or that and how they are practicing favouritism at home, they will scold me for being insesitive and tell me that I am behaving like Kim Lian. He say I will be ALL BY MYSELF in the future, I will grow old and cranky and nobody will like me at alI.That is also because I am not going to get married, I will grow old alone and become something like KIM LIAN. I am scared, even I do not like her. What if I really become something I hate? I believe I do not need anyone like I always tell the boys,' Do I look like I need help?' yeah man... I am going to prove my daddy WRONG.

wish me luck.

Weared out by life.

Life has never offered me a near perfect moment. All I want is some peaceful moments where the demanding society stops, slows and just take a break. That will most probably not happen till my O levels end. I just cried in the car while going to school this morning because i felt so upset and dissapointed that they were so inconsiderate of my feelings. The sarcasm, the harsh words, that look in their eyes and the love you cannot see from their faces. I am a human not a machine. I really cannot go on this way, I will crash and fall.


All i need to find is Yoon Ji Hoo or Gu Jun Pyo. I share the same birthday as the actress who played Geum Jan Di. :D

ABC

FOR MY BELOVED GAURO.

ENJOYIT!

The Beatles.

I'm SOOOO going to get that Beatles compiled special edition CD.
It just brings back fantastic memories of my childhood. All the singing in the car together. Not to forget how it is actually GOOD music. And The Beatles is definitley a legend.

Here's a song from them.:D
I want to hold your hand.



P.s I bought Colbie Caillat's Album .

The baby in the bus:

Today, when I took a bus from bukit timah to toa pah yoh, I saw a little boy in a pram staring in my direction right after he boarded. He was ALL SMILES. He looked so adorable! He just sat there in his pram staring all over the bus curiously, then the baby and I made eye contact. We were staring into each others eye and his was filled with lots of innocence, eyes that still have lots to see and learn. He continued smiling at me and when I finally smiled back widely at him, he gave out a loud chuckle which caused most of the bus commuters to turn and look at what the baby boy was looking at. Although it was kind of silly ... I was actully quite happy because he made my day. I will never forget this baby! I WANT A BABY! except I have to adopt one then. :D

this bond between us, cant be broken.

I'm SOOOO Tired, rushing art is definitely not fun. I regret. PROCRASTINATION. D:
Anyway, Here's another one of those song I LOVE.



Yep, Phil Collins fantastic voice and oh sooooo hot Tarzan.


Not going to let some things bother me. I treasured you as a friend. I kept quiet at moments where I could have been irritated. But, don't you think you are going too far? You need to search yourself and self reflect a lot about this. SOMETIMES... YOU JUST DON'T GET IT. EVEN FOR ME. I myself commit mistakes that I might not be aware of. So, I'm not going to blame anyone for this.

Yellow Submarine~

Yes, This is Yellow Submarine by The Beatles! My favourite song to sing along when I was young



HEY, Jesse's new Music video.* cheeky smiles*
BODY LANGUAGE FEATURING T-PAIN!

100th POST!

HELLO. This is my 100th post!
I've been wanting to save this post for something more special, BUT I CAN'T WAIT.

Happy Birthday to my dad who claims and offered to give me a blackberry when i clearly didn't ask for one.

The holiday is clearly not a holiday at all right?

I need a long long break to calm my nerves. Everything is wrong about me, I eat slower, I eat last at every meal, HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE. My ferocious APPETITE is GONE and that is SCARY. I didn't go out with any of my schoolmates this holiday, neither did I study with them. I went to school everyday, YOU GOT ME, EVERYDAY to do my Art Coursework. [ I just need to complete it ]

I only went out ONE DAY. That was Wednesday. I went from almost extreme East to almost extreme West to meet my friends for lunch then to go for my tuition. It was worth it, after all, it has been almost 10 long months since I met them. It was nice to meet them and still have so much nonsense to talk about. Although we didn't realy have anything to do, it was nice meeting them. - Awesome people wear awesome clothes- It is weird to like meet them alone initially, after all the scandal nonsense and it has been 10 long months after all. AND THEY ARE REALLY REALLY NONSENSICAL! Well, tuition was really fun too. I was called INNOCENT. :D totally am. * winks *
During tuition, my mama called me to ask me to go to Outram to visit my ahgong who was in hospital because of Gall Stones. ;( [ He's fine now (; ] SO, since I was going to outram and so was he, I met up with the friend i had lunch with for dinner with his mum at chinatown while waiting for my mum. VERY NICE MUM.My mum has this delay delay problem. After dinner I made my way to find my grandad. WELL, HE SAY I'M GROWING TOO FAT. We also had some discussions about what I want to do in the future and I realized that there was A LOT I want in life. I jokingly told them I want to be a Young rich Mistress [ SHAO NAI NAI] and my Grandmother couldn't stop laughing... she told me to find a good spouse then. They said I'm the most well behaved grand daugther [ I'm their oldest] and my granfather said if I get married he must drink the tea or something... But I told them about my plans and they said it's good I'm sensible to not like boys now and that I should start dating at 18 or something and they don't mind me not getting married. :D

That was about the only day I went out.

Being rather annoyed by some people who judge too much...
We shouldn't because we are not fit to. GET IT?
SOME PEOPLE just do not!

tomorrow.

Olevel English Oral tomorrow.

'GULP' terrifying.

HEY THERE! I MISS YOU![dumbass Haziqah actually in Batam now]

oh yeah.... my foot.

YES, something made me really unhappy today.
It's about some people's attitude...
No matter you mean it or not, I would like to claim some credit for some friends and classmates not only me.I am not that upset anymore, but I would like to say my piece.
Today, Madam Cheah distributed our sweets and goodies from the prize we won on Friday from the Frisbee game.We all had a different assortment of goodies... And some people just have a bad attitude about it. Just because they didn't get the goodies they want or so... They make a fuss about playing to win those and those who did not play should ought to give up their goodies. I find it kind of annoying... As a class, nobody recognised the efforts of the cheerleaders like Sandi who was screaming her lungs out for everyone. Nor did they acknowledge the fact that our banners were made by Cristal herself through the night, so that our class would be more special and that the players would feel more encouraged. If we could, we could have not bothered to cheer nor make any effort to support the team as non-players. But we did so much and we put in our hearts and souls to cheer loudly.
ALL WE FREAKING GOT WAS: YOU ALL ALSO NEVER PLAY!

F***! [I'm trying not to be vulgar]

I know I did not play. Perhaps I did not deserve that Oreo right? Just because i got a 38/40 for oral? FINE THEN. Nothing much compared to the efforts put in to win the matches right?

I threw it away anyway.

there's no need to.

I was cooped up all day at home.
Eunice came to collect her homework, I really want to go to Marina barrage to take photos.

Because of my laziness,I did not go out to meet THEM. I was singing to the national day songs and laughing at Singapore Idol while eating my Chicken Rice. I actually forgot what i wanted to post about...
[pause for a long while to think]
Still cannot remember. D:
OH. I want to get a Bike and I would like to also go to the botanical gardens to take photos.:D
And I'm obsessed with TopGears videos. I love cars.

AH! I finally remembered the REAL reason why I want to post.
It seems like I will be going to Shanghai for winter then... perhaps for the whole December. I told my aunt I want to celebrate my birthday here.The best part is - I'm going to Shanghai ALONE. YEP. ALONE.I think it will be cool and interesting.Can't wait for Christmas, I got a ' SING SOME CAROLS' mood. Sorry for being random.

adios people.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle.

Truthfully,it is I'M VERY CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE.

UGH.Why are human beings so complicated? who created the art of being hypocritical? Being caught in the middle is no good.I wondered if life would be better if i were a boy [ song runs into head ]. Boys are less complicated aren't they? [ at least when it comes to friendship ] I feel so guilty. I really do not mean anything, but when something happens, it is hard to change reality and it is impossible to pretend nothing happened.Stop blaming or being unhappy over nothing, just reflect on what you did. Just think about what led to all this, do you seriously think we all want this?[do not question about this]

BTW, I got full marks for prelims oral reading, I hope Mrs. Bala wouldn't change the marks... [ my fantastic guide teacher, oral examiner and fantastic Indian Dancer. LOVE HER]

sigh... The world is so complicating. Ignorance is definitely bliss. Living in my own world is even better I supposed. So much has happended, and it just goes on and on...I would blog all day long if I had to write everything out. It's difficult to give everything now, I have to keep part of me to myself, I cannot give it all away.[ I am not sad, really]I need to prevent myself from being upset.I am still my chirpy self, still the GOOGOOGAGA over hot stuff[ as in boys(as in very very hot) ] girl.* note: I used the word GIRL. teehee. Being optimistic is the way to a happier self and life. I SHALL NOT LIVE LIFE WITH REGRETS.

Somehow I feel burdened when people trust me and tell me things. I really apologise to my BRA THER. sorry... Ok. Anyway, CLARA YONG : thanks for being so AMAZING. You are truly beautiful inside out. I swear that I am an ass. HAHAHA. I just felt so upset just now, cause i was crying for gujunpyo[jujunbiao]. AWWWWWW... Life is really unfair right? Does it mean cos we're short, we're destined to find shorter guys? D; speaking of which, JESSE MCCARTNEY's GOING BLONDE SOON. LOVE HIM BLONDE. which reminds me... I miss them.I hate myself.HAZIQAH, THERE's THIS REALLY AMAZINGLY ADORABLE GIRL CALLED CHERYL WONG MISSING YOU LIKE HELL IN A SAD PLACE CALLED MANJUSRI.

I feel like a bad person.

i don't care how people judge me, from now on, I am going to be ignorant.
I JUDGE PEOPLE A LOT. HAHAHA.

A crazy girl with lots to tell, but doesn't know how...

I don't know how to tell what kind of emotion this is, but i know it's making me feel weird.

it's been so long, since i posted so long, before i end...
THANK YOU HUI ZHEN, GLENN, SEAN, YING YING, DA GE , PEIYI, SAY NGOH and HO ZHENG HUI[ basically, DA FAMILY] for making life much more wonderful and special for me.


AND... AQILAH, don't fret.
and... Marcus, you can always talk to me.
and... Elias, HA HA HA.

signing off. <3

ahhhh~

FINALLY TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT IT.
SIGH.
MISSING....


THANKS CLARA!

sigh

I'd rather give it all up.
Take it. you can have it all.
I don't want anything.

Just 2 days. 3 people. I guess I do miss everything.

The past is sweet, not bitter. the future looks bitter now.

Should change then.

GLENN, HUI ZHEN! Thanks for those times.

AIYAH. I MISS OBSabah so much thanks to Haziqah.
Aaron, Benedict, Syaz and ALL.
[i dun care if they are my scandals]

TUITION CHANGED TO SATURDAY 2-4PM. SO HAPPY.
I CAN SEE.....

okok. shall stop here. heehee

HATE

HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU.
dun ever talk to me.
LIKE I NEVER GET CRITICIZED ENOUGH.
YOU'RE NOT WORTH MY KINDNESS.
I KNOW I SUCK.
I AM JUST BUT A FAT UGLY FOOL THAT SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR IN THIS WORLD.
I tried my best to be nice. Although I can be mean. BUT TO YOU, I tried hard to be a nice friend.
I KNOW I AM FAT AND UGLY. DUN NEED TO GO COMPARE. Not like I've never been called Ugly or FAT in my life. I always turn it into a joke... And all the sarcasm used only makes it worse.
Just STOP IT okay?
I BEG.
sometimes... People like me cant take it too.
I have ZERO ego. ZERO self confidence. HAPPY NOW?
ALL ALONG IT'S just a FAKE HAPPY SMILE like i said.
FRIENDS? NAH.I'll forgo them if I have to.
I'll just be a lonely old woman like my dad says I'll be if i continue being so stubborn. Maybe I might be after all. D:

sigh... I hate myself.
I need to find my space to cry.

tomorrow's a new week

Tomorrow's a new week.

Every week is eventful.

Today, I went to Ubin with my friends from Shanghai. AND.... I MIGHT be spending winter in shanghai right after O levels. I'll be travelling there alone. HOW FRIIKIN COOL IS THAT? :D

Sigh~ tomorrow is 13 july. 

IF only things were like they USED TO BE. I feel like crying now. BYE.

Michael Jackson.

His death made me realise how brittle life is.

Nobody knew that he was going to die. do they?
When I woke up to another day... the first news... Michael Jackson just died...
I WAS LIKE: WHAT?!
& I felt upset... Immediately.

Nobody knows when they are going to die.

Treasure your life. It's not worth to lose it for anybody... other than self.


Words are sometimes pretty useless. (A difficult thing for me to admit, because I love words, and in general I regard them as quite powerful.) In situations of deep pain, very few of us have anything brilliant to say — our words are not adequate to the situation.

you're like :D

Cheryl is smiling.


Happiness is something that is hard to be faked.
It'll hurt your cheeks to wear a fake smile.
it hurts doesn't it? when you're asked to smile for pictures?
but it does not really hurt when you just smile because you really feel happy... somehow, you just don't feel the cheeks aching.
IT'S WEIRD. But, this shows how happiness cannot be faked.
A smile is a priceless thing. Use it in the right way. It's the best gift one can give.
So, SMILE and the world SMILES with you.
Pass a smile on and on.
Make someone's day. Just SMILE.
you'll feel the power of a smile, especially when you smile at someone and they smile right back at you!
If you feel sad or down... just sit upright, SMILE to yourself, breathe in, close your eyes, breathe out, open your eyes and tell yourself that everything will be alright in the end. EVERYTHING WILL END. [think of all the happiest things]
Do not be stubborn. JUST SMILE.

PEACE OUT :D

You're like Yoon Ji Hoo to me.
&shedidnotendupwithhimintheend.butiknowthiscrushain'tgoingaway.theonlythingthatkeepsmewishingonawishingstar.wonderifheknowshe'sallithinkaboutatnight.itsuckstoseeyouhurt.
idontknowhyitjusthurts.

Learned to never get too close.

AH, Morning Glory rocks.
Had a FUN time with them, painting for Guide's carnival.

my injury left an ugly scar... D:
BUT, IT'S OKAY. It's nothing...[ i would be lying]

Twitter-ed, so i can follow Jesse McCartney :D

met KIM. met CAROLINE[she's leaving D;].met Haziqah-and i still want to meet her.

I so do not MISS school.

Hating You.

cycled to many new places, walked like crazy too :D

i have no wishes to continue my post.

LOL!

so cute! WONDERBABY!
SHE CAN DANCE!
SO ADORABLE!

remedy

The best cure to all sadness... HAZIQAH. I'm feeling much better now.I had a BLAST!

something changed.

Hey Hey. It's been a long time since i posted yeah? Well, why would I? I never understand how i feel anymore. Chinese O's Over. that was random. Ah. SHIT. I'm confused.Chinese O's over... ain't that great?Did i just repeat myself? SHIT, that was stupid. I feel stupid... so it's okay. Has it been eventful? Meaningful? Joyful? Maybe, maybe not.Seriously, what am i doing here? Ever since my blog got spammed by some immature creatures, i hate my blog. But whatever the case is,[speaking' like a good ol' lawyer :D] It's over. Case closed!Been feeling moodier and moodier, I don't feel like going to school, don't feel like talking and i feel so trapped, or lost. I seem to get lost in everything i do. My mind's blowing. Thanks Sha! Thank You for letting me get it off my chest. Does this post sound random? Because i feel like i'm getting lost here too.Something is wrong, with me. & I'm pining for you, really. I think i missed you alot. Now, i don't even know who i am anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand why am i like this. I hate myself... I hate the people around me, every little thing irks. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. I feel like throwing myself into a river... drown in my tears perhaps. Why can't we turn back time? Why am i born like this? Why am i born uglier? Why must people comment about looks? Why must people always think they are everything? WHy must people be so annoying? Why do people put on a mask? Why can't they be themselves? Why am i a girl? Why must some people tell lies? Why do some people behave badly? Why are some people so mean? Why are some people so nice, and some not? Why must people call me ugly? Why aren't some people sensitive to other's emotions? Why is that man sitting on the bench himself? Why do i hate her? Why is he making me feel weird? Why do i pine for this? Why am i missing that night? Why do i feel a heartache? Why do i feel like crying? Why must i look like dora? Wh can't she be more original? Why must she act cute? Why must some people make themselves miserable? Why does she make me feel like i am no longer special? Why am i so sad? Why is the song making me feel like crying? Why don't fairies exist? Why can't i be special? Why? Why? Why? I hate myself. Just leave me to wallow in self pity. Nothing is going my way, and i don't know where to go? I never had a good rest. not until today. not for a very long time... I feel like breaking down. Why must shit happen? PLEASE. PLEASE STOP IT. I KNOW I AM JUST BUT A USELESS GIRL. WHAT CAN A GIRL DO? FUCK WOMAN. THEY EXISTS FOR NOTHING RIGHT? IS THIS WHAT THEY MEAN? A GIRL HAS NO DIGNITY OR STAND JUST BECAUSE THIS IS A CHINESE FAMILY? IS THIS WHY THEY HATE ME? WHY DO THEY CALL ME UGLY? I KNOW I AM UGLY. I KNOW THIS SINCE I WAS VERY YOUNG. BUT CONSTANT REMINDER ONLY BREAKS THE HEART. AND I FEEL LIKE I EXIST FOR NOTHING. PLEASE PEOPLE BITCH. BE HUMBLE, DON'T PISS THE FUCKING HELL OUTTA ME. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. SHOOOOOOOOOO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH. PLEASE. I KNOW I'M JUST SOME ORDINARY UGLY DUCKLING THAT WILL DIE AS AN UGLY DUCKLING, STOP SHOEING ME ALL THAT CRAP. STOP COMMENTING. YOU'RE NOT FIT TO. I HATE COMPLIMENTS. I ALWAYS RECEIVE SACARSM, SACARSM MAKES UP MY LIFE OF COMMENTS.SOMETIMES, I JUST DONT MEAN IT. BUT, I'M LOSING MYSELF. MY COURAGE. MAYBE I'M NO LONGER CHERYL? MAYBE I CAN BE PUSHED AROUND EASILY. MAYBE IT'S NOT NECCESSARY TO RESPECT PEOPLE LIKE ME? MAYBE IT'S NOT IMPORTANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ME SINCE I'M CHERYL? MAYBE I AM JUST A TOY? MAYBE I SHOULD NOT EXIST?

I REALLY HATE MYSELF NOW. ALL ALONG ACTUALLy.

ALAMAK. I really cant stay happy for long. HAZIQAH, i miss you!

cheers!

HEY THERE!
yes, it's mid years i know.
but i dun really care though.
just realized that in NURUL HAZIQAH's blog, I'm labeled, HAPPY PEEPS. therefore, no more sad posts. although i may still be sad.
& I'm so HAPPY FOR THIS WOMAN! she got into TP dance! she's happy and i'm very glad for her.
& to all my friends OUT there. literally out of manjusri, like nurul haziqah and caroline & kim xieeeeeee...
MAKE NEW FRIENDS,BUT KEEP THE OLD.
ONE IS SILVER AND THE OTHER's GOLD.

I've had the weirdest dreams in my life. i swear, i remember. to you get out of my dreams!
:D
HAHA. alright. :D

angry

I'm really really angry, cause i feel disrespected, i may not be a friend... but i am your classmate as well as a prefect. I hate myself, no matter how hard i may try to like myself, i only end up hating myself more...
hating and not forgiving makes myself hate myself... but i don't care...

AND OH NO!
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ELIAS SAID WAS NOT TRUE NOT TRUE... THIS CANNOT BE POSSIBLE. OH GOD!

if forgiving was gonna be easy, the whole world would be free of guilt... and sorry isnt a word to be said and taken lightly, sorry doesn't work said too many times.

misery?

Life never seem to pause, break, slow down for me... I need to rest.

dont listen to me RANT.

this is the only way i pur my feelings out.

Holidays? no, i don't think so... I had insomnia, SERIOUS Family trouble and i so much work...

What have i done?What? Sorry, but filial piety no longer exists  in me. How can they understand when all they do is talk , lecture, scold, beat and not even listen, i tried to speak, but what do they do? shut me up! And they claim they understand what is going on in my life,all the verbal abuse from her, treating me like a cheap slut and they want me to treat her like a grandmother, not an enemy. Why do I have to be the one? Because I am a GIRL.my useless mother, never failed to aggravate the whole situation, because nobody ever understand me, they only know how to blame me, all thesee years, i was blamed for everything... BUT HEY! I AM THE VICTIM HERE. I... can't go on. I wished i could be brought to a girls home or some place where they will keep me away from THEM. I am better off alone. 

I'm so happy to be back in school. :D 

to hazel ang!

TO HAZEL ANG !
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
A THOUSAND AND ONE APOLOGIES FOR ONLY POSTING TODAY...
Dear Bimbo, YOU ARE FINALLY 15! i won't ask you to grow up and be mature... or anything like that, because I want you to be who you are! & always as crazy because I LIKE IT! [just like me] CRAZY....
Thank you for being crazy with me all the time...
Thank you for spending your Christmas with me...
Thank you for being at the prefect's chalet, making yucky chocolate...and celebrating my Birthday... sabo-ing me.
Thank you for FORCING me to watch twilight with you and zeeyee[the pig]
Thank you for bringing me to some dracula place to eat...
Thank you for being such a wonderful JUNIOR.
Thank you , & and HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

NOW, don't get angry that this is late... I have no time to come and blog and because i don't really like to blog alot... ;D [i know you're jealous cause i wished wei liang and william...] HAHAHAHA!but this font is bigger!

DREAM- priscilla ahn

was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

are you there?

Today, I realised, why have i believed in god all these years? I wonder, how can i always say: 'god help me!' when i have never ever seen him, and his existence is not proven...

I have never ever found someone to really confide into, I want help. I want a pair of ears to really listen, but no... I find that trusting is too hard... i can't share my problems as easily as i thought i would... no... It is so tormenting to try to cry it out, but not show it, just store all these hatred, sorrow, angst inside me. Not that i appear to be a very sad person, it is just a false front, you see me laugh, smile, play... but, it's a tough war inside...why must my life seem more miserable than some? i am not the most miserable on earth, but i am feeling so miserable... I want to be happy inside not just the outside.
Why must i have people to come and mess up my life...Please stop messing my life up... please, stop all these prejudices. i really want to be a boy.Please, treat me like your daugther, please be the grandmother i've always read about in stories, please UNDERSTAND ME.Please, be fair. Please, stop messing up my life. give me my space...just leave me alone, let me cry alone.

but,
Please, God, save me... take all these miseries away... It's just so hard to be myself.[if only God will take these miseries away]
when i grow up, i want to leave these miseries. I wanto to leave them where they belong, and i will find a place where i belong... ;D

i cried.

Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along.

* cried at this.


7 is my lucky number. IT MUST BE! haha.
- my locker is number 7 ;D aka, 0702[usedtobe]
-last year it's 0707.
-this is post no. 77
-the bus i took to Singapore indoor stadium was 52, add them up, it's 7
-Daniel Henny's birthday is on 29 November, 9-2 is 7
- and some other crap that made me think 7 is my lucky no.

;D

it's decided, i like no.7 now...

Seaside by the kooks

This is such a beautiful song by The Kooks. Cristal and I have been singing to each other for the past few weeks. I LOVE IT!

i mean, just look at the lyrics... although it's only 1 and a half minutes... i swear, it will be the best 1 and a half minute you ever spent. ;D

Do you want to go to the seaside?
I'm not trying to say that everybody wants to go
I fell in love at the seaside
I handled my charm with time and slight of hand

Do you want to go to the seaside?
I'm not trying to say that everybody wants to go
I fell in love at the seaside
She handled her charm with time and slight of hand, and oh

But I'm just trying to love you
In any kind of way
But I find it hard to love you girl
When you're far away
Away

Do you want to go to the seaside?
I'm not trying to say that everybody wants to go
But I fell in love on the seaside
On the seaside
In the seaside

happy birthdays!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY To WANG WEI LIANG[PIG] AND NGOH WILLIAM[weiliang]!

pig, you're 15 years old already! hahah. i'm yet to be 16... dun worry i'll still kick your ass. And, thanks for being such a 'wonderful' pig friend. kicking my butt for the whole year, making me trip and fall and bickering non-stop with me. ;D

er william? crap one lah! hahah! prefects go do your duty. i know you're an idiot who doesn't treat me like a girl. i will not forget who whacked me up so 'brutally' at the chalet on my birthday... hmmph!-you cant hit me on my birthday anymore

Truth

In seeking the Truth,

do not imagine it is something out there to be found.

It is not a ray of light from the heavens that hit you suddenly.

The discovery of the Truth

is the discovery that you are part of it.

It is the discovery that the Truth is everything,

including yourself.

It is the discovery that you are but an embodiment

of the Three Universal Characteristics.

You are physically and mentally impermanent.

You are existentially dissatisfied due to lack of Enlightenment.

You have no substantial self.

The more deeply you discover this,

the more in line with Truth you are,

the more enlightened you become.

& most of the time, the Truth is always bitter.

Just to say ...

Well, i know i can no longer hold this feeling inside me.
I cannot battle these emotions everyday.

I guess it was all just a misunderstanding, then i began reading blogs.. then, i get hurt, so bad. But i never wanted to believe you wouldn't trust me, cause i trusted you as my dearest friend, suddenly everything was beginning to turn cold and harsh, for us both. I didn't understand why initially, that's when i begin reading blog, i feel so upset. I didn't dare talk to any of you... especially you, i was afraid, i admit, i was a coward, i could never handle relationships well. But, i never wanted to end this one. Thinking about all the times we spent, laughing at each other's joke, the never ending laughter from us both.. it was indeed unforgettable. I'm sorry i still can't face you, as i said i was really afraid, afraid of all these awkward situations that can really hurt. every time i encounter something, you're always on my mind, ALWAYS. It's like the automatic urge to want to sms you and share all these with you, and only you. Because it's a habit, being with you has became part of my life, and i swear, without you, life has changed. i know i am greedy, but i yearn to be with you again. spending all those time with you. I miss you. goodbye.

-i hope you read this.
believe me, i believe you.

i decided to blog

This is such a nice photo.

Well, i decided i should blog. Cause, I'm BORED , actually tired, i have to wake up at 5.34 am every morning and try to steal a little sleep every morning... 5 minutes is seriously satisfying!
WHY did that stupid school shift away!? I MISS HOLIDAYS~ and, school is seriously stressing. I'm stressing over art... ITS SO HARD TO SCORE! my GOD! STRESSSS!!!!!! & everybody is ranting about o levels. o levels and more o levels~ argh! its only 12 jan. well... lessons are starting to end late now... but nvm, i never liked to come home early anyway.so.... it's a blessing.

alright, i shall go busi-fy myself with OBSabah presentation!

GOODBYE!

ALL RIGHT, 

I MISS CAROLINE FEBRIANTY TOO!

 LOVES,

CHERYL

Dear me.

I'm very physically & mentally tired.

after a tiring day of thinking & OGLeading the most horrendous class.

Thinking; I just begin to think bout my future, after all I'm sec 4. 

Poly? JC? I've no idea. & well, i thought even further than that...

I was thinking, if i have such grudges against my family, & people always say that family is more important than friends, i wonder, do i have to depend on this family when i grow up in the future? depend as in if something happens to me? so,i was thinking like, set up my own family? LIKE ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE. i want to be a truly independent person, i feel rather guilty that i have somehow decided that i do not want to live life obstructed by family traditions or religious beliefs, but, to be truly free from my current life, filled with traditional beliefs that woman will not succeed or that these traditions are just plain bias to the male? I want to be a free-thinker. seriously, a free thinker, somebody who thinks freely... It's not that i do not believe in god or buddha or anything, but i would like to be versatile in my thoughts and beliefs. I want to be clear about what i want in life, not what i have been taught to want. I want this to be my life. 

I want my life to be in my own hands.

p.s. I wish i can speak to someone who can understand this.

I'm Cheryl.

Cheryl Wong.

2009

Yay...[ i wonder if its said with much enthusiasm or not?]
well, i wonder if we should be happy that it's finally 2009 or not, because:
no.1: 2008 is gone, which tells us how fast time flies.
no.2: 2009, i'm taking my O levels.

I'm really worried.

& I've been thinking... When i grow up, do i want to live like how my life has been ruled? with all the rules set when i was born, living with all these rules all my life or live my life the way i rule it?

reminiscing about the times i had gone through in 2008, it's hard to decide if it's been a good or bad one? hmm, it was definitely an interesting one though, filled with so much excitement.

January
-OG leading 1E, with Haziqah & Kim [ & this year too.]
-In 3D. upset at first?[or maybe till now?]
February
-Debates[14 feb-official loser day]
-caroline's birthday party
March
-total business.
-preparations for school anniversary?

ok got dates mixed up arnd here!

SCH ANNIVESARY!
haha. unforgettable memories.

IFD, CAMBODIA, TEACHER's DAY, ELECTIONS, MANJUSRI IDOL, NATONAL DAY, && all the bits& pieces of the year.
where things happen, where stress overtakes me and i breakdown and cry .

& an UNFORGETTABLE SABAH trip.
where i met many new & interesting people.

& days of fun in school, time spent with Gauri, Aqilah,Cristal,Sha,Weiliang, ZeeYee, Hazel, Jun Lin, Lionel, William, Phone lay... & all the people i interact with?

hmmm... Sec 4s GONE... i'll miss KIM and Haziqah and many many seniors.

HAHAHa.
alright i'll keep these memories...
even if they are bad cause they are a part of me and how i become stronger and grow.

Thank you Gauri.
Everytime i break down or feel pset or feel stressed. U are always there for me...
When we part this year, I know i'll definitely cry...
& I want you to still be my friend... FOREVER.
then we move to perth eh? and drive our porsche.
;D

bye 2008.& happynew year peeps