something changed.

Hey Hey. It's been a long time since i posted yeah? Well, why would I? I never understand how i feel anymore. Chinese O's Over. that was random. Ah. SHIT. I'm confused.Chinese O's over... ain't that great?Did i just repeat myself? SHIT, that was stupid. I feel stupid... so it's okay. Has it been eventful? Meaningful? Joyful? Maybe, maybe not.Seriously, what am i doing here? Ever since my blog got spammed by some immature creatures, i hate my blog. But whatever the case is,[speaking' like a good ol' lawyer :D] It's over. Case closed!Been feeling moodier and moodier, I don't feel like going to school, don't feel like talking and i feel so trapped, or lost. I seem to get lost in everything i do. My mind's blowing. Thanks Sha! Thank You for letting me get it off my chest. Does this post sound random? Because i feel like i'm getting lost here too.Something is wrong, with me. & I'm pining for you, really. I think i missed you alot. Now, i don't even know who i am anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand why am i like this. I hate myself... I hate the people around me, every little thing irks. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. I feel like throwing myself into a river... drown in my tears perhaps. Why can't we turn back time? Why am i born like this? Why am i born uglier? Why must people comment about looks? Why must people always think they are everything? WHy must people be so annoying? Why do people put on a mask? Why can't they be themselves? Why am i a girl? Why must some people tell lies? Why do some people behave badly? Why are some people so mean? Why are some people so nice, and some not? Why must people call me ugly? Why aren't some people sensitive to other's emotions? Why is that man sitting on the bench himself? Why do i hate her? Why is he making me feel weird? Why do i pine for this? Why am i missing that night? Why do i feel a heartache? Why do i feel like crying? Why must i look like dora? Wh can't she be more original? Why must she act cute? Why must some people make themselves miserable? Why does she make me feel like i am no longer special? Why am i so sad? Why is the song making me feel like crying? Why don't fairies exist? Why can't i be special? Why? Why? Why? I hate myself. Just leave me to wallow in self pity. Nothing is going my way, and i don't know where to go? I never had a good rest. not until today. not for a very long time... I feel like breaking down. Why must shit happen? PLEASE. PLEASE STOP IT. I KNOW I AM JUST BUT A USELESS GIRL. WHAT CAN A GIRL DO? FUCK WOMAN. THEY EXISTS FOR NOTHING RIGHT? IS THIS WHAT THEY MEAN? A GIRL HAS NO DIGNITY OR STAND JUST BECAUSE THIS IS A CHINESE FAMILY? IS THIS WHY THEY HATE ME? WHY DO THEY CALL ME UGLY? I KNOW I AM UGLY. I KNOW THIS SINCE I WAS VERY YOUNG. BUT CONSTANT REMINDER ONLY BREAKS THE HEART. AND I FEEL LIKE I EXIST FOR NOTHING. PLEASE PEOPLE BITCH. BE HUMBLE, DON'T PISS THE FUCKING HELL OUTTA ME. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. SHOOOOOOOOOO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH. PLEASE. I KNOW I'M JUST SOME ORDINARY UGLY DUCKLING THAT WILL DIE AS AN UGLY DUCKLING, STOP SHOEING ME ALL THAT CRAP. STOP COMMENTING. YOU'RE NOT FIT TO. I HATE COMPLIMENTS. I ALWAYS RECEIVE SACARSM, SACARSM MAKES UP MY LIFE OF COMMENTS.SOMETIMES, I JUST DONT MEAN IT. BUT, I'M LOSING MYSELF. MY COURAGE. MAYBE I'M NO LONGER CHERYL? MAYBE I CAN BE PUSHED AROUND EASILY. MAYBE IT'S NOT NECCESSARY TO RESPECT PEOPLE LIKE ME? MAYBE IT'S NOT IMPORTANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ME SINCE I'M CHERYL? MAYBE I AM JUST A TOY? MAYBE I SHOULD NOT EXIST?

I REALLY HATE MYSELF NOW. ALL ALONG ACTUALLy.

ALAMAK. I really cant stay happy for long. HAZIQAH, i miss you!